I've always found it interesting that
the word for Hot can mean both full-of-heat, and spicy.
Today's post focuses on the Spicy side of Hot. Specifically, the Habanero pepper. This hot little number scores a 500,000 on the
Scoville scale. By contrast, that "hot" jalapeno clicks in at about 5000. So its hot. Of course, those Pepper Sprays have something like 1,500,000 units of Scoville, so I don't think I'm stepping into permanently damaging behavior zone...
But how hot? Today I put that to the test. To see how many Habaneros I could eat without drinking a glass of water.
So I went to the store and grabbed a 6-pack of Corona cervezas. These are the best thirst quencher for a hot bite to eat. Spicy foods go best with Mexican-type beers.
Along side of that, I bought 24 Habanero peppers.
I must have been some sight at the checkout lane, me with my 6 beers and 24 habanero peppers. Oh what did the cashier think I was up to?
Anyway, I chopped about 5 of the peppers in half, thinking that if I can't get to five, I might have to settle with halves. So, say, I might get to 3.5 But once you get over 5, well, its whole number time, no halfzies. Although I guess I could save the last cut-in-half ones for the final half, if I could stand it.
Ok, so I settled down to begin my insanity. Perhaps first, I should describe the rules I allowed myself.
1) No water or other liquid to drown the taste
2) At least three chews of the pepper.
3) If I spit it out, it doesn't count. I must ingest the pepper.
4) I don't need to eat the stems
5) No eating of other food.
6) I can drink as much Corona as I want when I'm done.
So I tossed in the first pepper. Whooooo - it was hot! Too hot. I eyed the trusty half-cut pepper thinking I might not make it to 2. Would 1.5 be respectable? I took more than a few chews....munching the pepper into my mouth. I didn't chew too hard, as I didn't want to release the spice in the seeds. Everyone says the seeds are the spiciest part. Well, let me tell you, seeds or not, this is one HOT PEPPER.
My mouth was on fire, burning. I tried not to touch my lips because I know that the spice on the lips really hurts. And my tongue? Oh my, as they say in Spanish, En Fuego!
After awhile, a silly numbness settled on me. I tossed in a second pepper. And the burn was back. They talk about getting addicted to spice, and I like spice, but this was too much. I had set the Corona to chill in an icy water bath. They looked very good. I had put the bottle opener far away though, to prevent me from an impulse beer opening.
I had looked for the Habanero world record, and couldn't find it. No doubt, if you can eat one, you can eat as many as you want....so that record probably has a time limit. Or maybe not. As the spice eats away at your stomach and intestinal lining, perhaps it makes you stop. We'll find out. I hadn't consulted medical advise, but was beginning to think perhaps I should have.
In went pepper 5. Mouth on fire. Stomach on fire. Beer looking cold and neglected. I couldn't just leave it there, could I? It was lonely. I looked at the peppers, there were 10 slices and then another 10 or so while ones. They seemed happy, shiny, sitting there with friends, but the poor beer was all cold in the ice. I reached for the beer. Grabbed it, and placed it against my sweaty forehead. In fact my forehead was so sweaty that the drops were running down my nose and mixing with the tears pouring out of my eyes. It was painful, but tolerable. But barely. Each movement of my jaw brought new waves of pain. I didn't think I could manage the three chews that I had required of myself. Each chew invited more pain. I decided I would do 3 more, so I would end on 8. It was 2008. The year of the Rat and all.
I ate number 6. Ouch. Each bite was pain. Three chews isn't enough to eat something, of course. How many is? Well, I'll tell you, its 12. 12 bites. And the effort it took to bite, well, took effort. Strong effort, such that any attempt not to chew seeds was right out. I am sure I mashed them up. So much for strategy. I reached for the bottle opener. Put it by the bottle. I was beginning to feel like you feel when you have to take a leak so bad, but you're still 10 minutes from home. Your legs cross, and you envision pulling into the driveway, before fighting with your keys to get the door open to run into the house and into the toilet.
So it was as I popped in pepper number seven and started chewing. It was too much, and the next thing I heard was the POP of the bottle-cap, severed from the top of the bottle in one swift practiced motion, as if I'd been practicing my entire life for this one moment. And no time for a lime, the Corona touched my lips, filling my mouth, already half full with Habanero, and woosh, gulp, down went pepper number 7. A gasp of air, one last jolt of pain, and then the Corona again, swoosh swoosh swoosh, until my mouth was cold as ice. No feeling. And no more beer.
I relaxed.
Then feeling returned to my mouth and I wished it hadn't. The burn. And burn. The burn snuck in, but became a raging inferno almost instantly, coming out of nowhere. It was there all along, but you couldn't feel it.
Minutes turned to hours. The Corona disappeared, leaving only clear glass bottles with squeezed limes in the bottom. And finally, normalcy returned to my mouth.
I suspect I won't eat anything spicy again for a long time.
And yes, I'm counting that last pepper. It counts when you chew it. If you don't believe me, go ahead, try it yourself.
The House of Saucy
